Love Letter To Families, Parents, and Caregivers of Neurodivergent Adults

If you're reading this, you probably deeply love at least one young adult with autism, ADHD, or other neurodivergent ways of processing the world. You've probably spent lots of time, energy, and money on caring for them in ways most people will never understand. You’ve probably almost always put them before your own health, well-being, financial goals, and relationships, which is expected when raising a child.

Problem is, children grow up and our society isn't set up for children to need lifetime support, especially when their challenges are invisible to the eye. You may not have the support to plan for, process, or even find words for this part of your journey with your adult loved one. As if that’s not enough, you're also entering a new phase of re-educating well meaning family and friends. People you thought understood your child may even start accusing you of "coddling" your adult child in new and hurtful ways.

My son was only diagnosed after he had what I now know was autistic burnout after high school. I made parenting mistakes around then because I was scared for his safety and well-being. With his diagnosis, I began to better understand his past and current challenges. New knowledge allowed me the think differently, adjust my expectations and parenting style, look for the right supports, and set boundaries with well-meaning but harmful family and friends. Most of all, it allowed me to start to truly recognize my son's incredible strengths and beautiful soul as an adult in his own right instead of only focusing on his (and my) challenges. There is always work to do, but his unique mind has become one of things I like the most about him rather than a source of conflict.

If you have not heard this yet today, you are seen! Your devotion to your loved one is recognized and has helped them more than you may realize. Their challenges are big, but yours are no less real. Exhaustion, anxiety, and overwhelm can make stepping back and seeing the big picture almost impossible. But you still show up, sometimes even surprising yourself with the magic you make happen.

From one human to another, your stuggles and victories are important! Your love and dedication to your loved one is a masterclass in the power of the human spirit in all it’s beauty, power, imperfection, and straight up messiness.

With love and admiration,

Amy